Friday, January 22, 2010

One Word

Protection is often equated with physical means - vaccines, security guards, martial arts, etc. However, there's a kind of protection majority of us would never think about - protection from being emotionally scarred by others. We will never need to worry about being hurt since our day carries very little physical threat. But if we consider it to the mental and emotional level, there appears to be a different kind of possiblity that we may get hurt.


Here are some examples:


LET DOWN. "I'm so disappointed in you because you've let me down..." Disappointment comes from the perception that someone has not met our expectations. If they fail to do what they promised, we take it personally.

BETRAYED. "How can I ever trust you again?" The hurt comes when we expect people not to do things that can melt down our trust.

BROKEN PROMISES. "But you promised me..." It's a personal hurt when someone does not keep his word.


The key word to being hurt is expecting. We create our own suffering. Any hurt reactions are self-created and not caused by another person or event. Majority of the hurts stem from the fact that people are not behaving the way we want them to behave. It's like trying to control what we can't control. So you see, it's a mistake to make our happiness dependent on our expectaions of others.


I admit that in physical hurt, I'm not strong enough to protect myself. In emotional pain, I'm not powerful as well. So my question is, "Do I need to build a kind of 'bouncer system' that can guard the windows of my mind and the doors of my heart?"

...

Who would want a broken vessel?


Definitely not YOU.


Definitely not me.



A BROKEN VESSEL IS WORTHLESS & VALUELESS.


Sadly, I am a "broken vessel"...


The good thing is I'm not "crushed" YET.





...but who knows? Maybe I'll be...



...SOON.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Immeasurable Degree of Bitterness

I'm not a huge fan of pain. Unfortunately, pain is something that is no doubt hand in hand with any relationship.

The last time this happened, it was like as if a knife stabbed all throughout my heart. For the nth time, I’ve been 'killed' in one of the most painful ways a lover can do. And also for the nth time, I thought to myself, “Death is really sweeter…” (I applaud myself for being like a cat - with nine lives.)

Pain makes me view life negatively.

I can’t control my man’s dealing with me so here’s a resolution I came up to:

"I'm currently struggling to keep myself from giving up. I realized that I needed to do things other than focusing about my love life. I want to be preoccupied with some things I used to be fond of doing. I want to make me forget I’m hurt. I want to pretend that nothing’s wrong. I’m fine. Really fine. I know I’m lying to myself, but it’s better than driving myself crazy over a mushy-turned-rocky relationship."

As always, I’m hoping I can do things as planned. I think it’s about time to love myself more. After all, even unconditional love cannot reform a person who's unable to change even after being caught so many times. I think it’s only fair to cut myself some slack and pay attention to the things I’ve taken for granted before.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Just a thought...

Harsh but true:
I'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU...